Sodor Island Parody Pack

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The engines work hard on the Fat Controller's railway, cruel taskmaster that he is. They especially like being called 'really useful'. This allows the Fat Controller to get away with murder, but that's another story.
"I'm going to the scrapyard today," said Edward to Thomas, who is legally required to be in every two episodes out of three, even if he wasn't there in the book.
"What, already? You're not that old" said Thomas cheekily. Thomas was only teasing, but Edward was getting old. We say this because it is vitally important you grasp this point. Edward is old.
The scrapyard is a place where pieces of metal are broken up. Edward takes them to the steel mill to be broken down and used again. Recycling in action, folks. That morning he heard something very strange in the yard.
"Noooooo-body knooooows the trouble I've seeeeeen, noooo-body knoooows my sor-rooooow."
Edward looked for where the noise was coming from, and saw a traction engine singing.
"Hello," said Edward. "You're not old and rusty. Who are you?" In actual fact the traction engine was covered in rust, but Edward didn't want to upset its feelings.
"I'm Trevor the Traction Engine," replied Trevor the Traction Engine. Obviously. "I'm being broken up next week.."
"Poor engine," said Edward.
"My driver says I only need some paint, polish and oil to be useful again. but my Master thinks I'm old fashioned."
Edward snorted, wondering about this Master and his relationship with Trevor. . "People say I'm old-fashioned, in fact they say that all the time, but I don't care. The Fat Controller knows I am really useful. What work did you do?"
"My master would send us from farm to farm. The farmers would have me saw logs, plough fields and such. We were under a little competition from Terence the Tractor, but nobody could beat us when it came to giving children rides," Trevor shut his eyes, remembering. "Oh yes, I do like children," he said. "Uh, not in a paedophilic way or anything," he quickly added.
"Broken up, what a shame. Broken up, what a shame," said Edward, who was already puffing away. "I must help Trevor, I must."
Edward asked everyone he knew if they could help, but for some bizarre reason nobody wanted a traction engine for their home. He was just contemplating a night-time strike at the scrapyard when he saw someone on the platform at the station ahead.
"Peep peep! Why didn't I think of him before? Who else has access to a place big enough for a traction engine?"
It was the Vicar at the station. "Morning Charlie, morning Sid," he called.
"Morning, your reverence," bowed Charlie, who was a devout church-goer.
"Hiya," said Sid, who wasn't.
"Hello Edward, you look upset."
"Well sir.." began Edward.
"What's the matter Charlie?" interrupted the Vicar, who didn't like talking to engines.
"There's a traction engine at the scrapyard, Vicar. He'll be borken up next week. I know his driver, Jem Cole, from the pub, and he says he never drove a better engine."
"Please help him, sir," asked Edward. "He saws wood and gives rides."
"We'll see," said the Vicar, trying not to be put off by the vocal locomotive.
The next day Jem Cole arrived at the scrapyard. "The Reverend's coming to see you today Trevor," he said. "Maybe he'll buy you."
"Do you think he will?" asked Trevor hopefully.
"He will if you don't screw up," answered Jem.
When the Vicar and his two boys arrived, Jem had managed to get rid of Trevor's rust and make his paint shine spotlessly. Truly he was a miracle worker. Jem then showed the Vicar how Trevor moved.
The Vicar climbed onto Trevor's cab. "Show us your paces Trevor," he said. Trevor, not quite understanding what the Vicar was on about, continued as he had before.
"Oh do buy him Dad, please," said his boys.
"Less of the 'Dad'. It's 'Father' to you," said the Vicar sternly. "Anyway, it depends how much he costs."
After the Vicar had been inside the office, he came out with a big smile. "I've got him cheap, Jem! Cheap!"
"You hear that Trevor? The Vicar has saved you. You''ll live in the orchard now," explained Jem Cole, knowing Trevor wouldn't catch on otherwise. Trevor was a little hurt at being sold cheaply, but the idea of not being scrapped meant he soon got over it.
Now Trevor works at the vicarage orchard, doing various orchard-related activities. His favourite job though is when he can give children rides at the summer fete. In the evening, when his work is done, you will see him shut his eyes in his broken shed, remembering.
"I like children," he will say, but remember, he doesn't mean in a paedophilic way.
Oh, for those wondering-the Vicar eventually overcame his phobia of talking engines, but still got a little nervous around talking tractors. That's why you never see him and Terence in the same place.

Sodor Island Parody Pack