Sodor Island Parody Pack

The Queen Returns

queenreturn.jpg

One morning, (April the 7th, 2005 to be precise) the Fat Controller arrived at the sheds to see the engines, "It is my great pleasure to announce the Queen is coming back to Sodor for a visit."
The engines were excited and wondered who would pull the train, but before the general hubbub of conversation over who would pull the train began, the Fat Controller interupted, "I'm afraid that James has been selected especially for the job."
The engines were all disappointed, and a little puzzled as to why James got the job. "When's the Queen coming Sir?" asked Thomas.
"Tomorrow, April the 8th."
"Ooh!" gasped Emily, "Looks like she will be snubbing her son's wedding to that woman that looks like a Horse after all!"
"I don't care," said James, "I get to collect the Queen, will I need to wear a Coat of Arms, Sir?"
The Fat Controller shrugged, "Not really James, let's just say, the last time this Queen attended a Royal ceremony, they were the only Queen there who gave a d**n."

The following day, James left to collect the Queen. But the other engines were puzzled. "Why wouldn't James be wearing a coat of arms if he's going to collect the Queen?" said Edward, "I thought it was common practice for that to happen with Royalty."
"I hope she doesn't bring that husband of her's with her." Grunted Gordon, "He's an ignorant old toad. When the Australian Prime Minister told him they wanted to be a Republic, he told them they couldn't, they didn't have a President. When the man suggested a Kingdom, he knocked them back again, no King. He tried a Principal, but he got shot down again, no Prince. When the Aussie PM asked him what they COULD be, Phillip suggested, 'Why don't you carry on being a country?'"
Just then, Percy and his driver arrived with a radio, "According to the news, the Queen is attending the Wedding Reception."
"Coo," said Henry, "what else did they say?"
"Well," Percy commented, "Prince Charles said he looked forward to riding Camilla tonight."
"Hmm," thought Thomas, "but by the time the Reception's over it'll be too dark to go out Horse-Riding. Prince Charles must be a brave man, he'd have to be marrying a woman who looked like that..."
"Luckily he didn't do it before," said Henry, "with his big ears and her horse like features, if they'd have had kids the heir to the throne may well have looked like a Donkey!"
"But what about James?" gasped Toby, "He's already left with the Queen and her friends...He'll be here any minute, it must be a fake."

The engines were worried, but just then the sounds of "YMCA!" were heard coming over the horizon. The engines knew who it was now, "So that's the Queen that the Fat Controller meant!"
James came into view with pink smoke puffing out his funnel, and a headboard, "That cheeky tosser Elton John threw a funny thing down my funnel and now it's discoloured my smoke!"
Elton swaggered out of the coach, "Hello Darlings, thought I'd make an entrance! I told James to puff along as quick as he could!"
"Yes," said James with gritted teeth, "there was certainly plenty of puffs today! Still plenty to come off the train too!"
"You look hot and bothered." Edward grinned.
"George Michael was singing on the way here. The only way I got him to shut up was interupting him during 'Wake Me Up Before You Go Go'."
"How did you do that then?" asked Edward.
"I kept shouting out 'Zip Me Up' when he got to the chorus. Apparently he doesn't seem to like toilet humour these days, do you George?"
George gave James a dirty look, and James sniggered.

Just then, Boy George came onto the platform, "Look Sir!" Percy called out to the Fat Controller, "He wears a stupid looking hat as well!"
The Fat Controller was most embarrassed, and quickly changed the subject. "So what brings you back then Elton?"
"We're all here to record a song with Salty the Dockyard Diesel actually, we're doing 'In The Navy'."
"I'm sure you'd like to be..." James muttered.
"That ought to go well with your other hits eh?" said Henry, and he broke into song, "And it seems to me, I've lived my life, with a candle up my aaaaaaaaarrrrrr-"
"That's enough Henry!" the Fat Controller interupted.
"Oops," said Henry meekly.
"Anyway," said Elton, "we'd best be off down to the Docks, fellas, we don't want to keep Salty waiting do we?"
"Or the Sailors either..." Gordon twitched. Elton looked at him, Gordon shuddered, "Erm, for inspiration of course, Sir Elton!"
Elton and the others soon left for the Docks. Percy and Thomas were pleased when Elton left one of his pets behind, and they took good care of it. "What is it?" James asked when he arrived back.
"We don't know," said Percy, "I think it's the little creature that lives on his head."
James grinned but said nothing, he knew exactly what it was!

Sodor Island Parody Pack