Sodor Island Parody Pack

Percy Takes The Plunge

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In a stunning harbour layout that would never be seen again, Henry was trying to find a place to rest. Why he had chosen to rest in the harbour, instead of say going back to Tidmouth Sheds to rest, is a bit of a mystery. The sensible solution is to assume he was already at the harbour and couldn't be bothered to make the journey back, but I say he was actually planning on hiding in the harbour until nightfall, where he would catch the next boat to the mainland and set up a new life as Hernando. But that's probably because I'm insane.
Anyway, Henry couldn't rest in the harbour because Percy was talking to some engines. He was telling them about the time that he had braved bad weather to help Thomas. Some people have taken this to mean that Percy has amazing psychic abilities, since that episode wouldn't air for another 5 years. I laugh at these people though. It's obvious Percy has simple read 'Percy the Small Engine' (On sale now for only 4.99. Oh wait, no it's not. Curse you Egmont!).
"It was raining hard. Water swirled underneath my boiler. Nazi pirate-ninjas were trying to derail me and kill my passengers. I could barely see, but I struggled on."
"Ooh, Percy, you are brave."
"And handsome, too," said Percy modestly. "But it was nothing really. Water's nothing to an engine with determination, you know."
"What about Nazi pirate-ninjas?"
"They're a little harder to deal with, but it's nothing for an engine like me."
"What are you engines doing here?" asked Henry as he rolled into the shed. "This shed is for the Fat Controller's engines."
"But we are the Fat Controller's engines. My name's Bill," said Bill.
"And I'm Ben," said Ben.
"Never seen you two before in my life. Or lives, depending on how you feel about the whole 'Henry II' thing."
"Well, that's because we're not supposed to be here. You see, we're filling in for engines from the Other Railway, since it's not cost-productive to make models for a mere 10 second shot, and we haven't been introduced to the series yet."
"Do I look like an engine who gives a toss?" asked Henry rudely. "Get lost! Silly things."
"Well," said Ben to Bill. "I think we can take him off our Christmas card list."
"They're not silly," said Percy to Henry as the twins left. "They're gullible perhaps, but not silly."
"They are silly, and so are you. 'Water's nothing to an engine with determination'...pah!"
"What happened to you, Henry?" asked Percy. "You used to be cool. Remember when you called Gordon 'Fat Face' for no reason?"
"Hey, I'm still cool!" Henry protested.
"No man, you've changed. You've sold out," said Percy sadly as he puffed away.
Henry reflected on Percy's words. "I'm still cool...aren't I?"

Percy soon met up with Thomas, who was looking at a board. He had nowt better to do, apparently.
'Danger' said the board (and by that I mean, those were the words painted on the board, not that the board actually spoke), 'Engines must not pass this board.'
"We musn't go past it," said Thomas. "That's orders."
"Why?" said Percy, who had always been a bit of a rebel.
"Danger means falling down something," said Thomas stupidly. "I went past 'Danger' once, and fell down a mine."
"I can't see a mine," said Percy, equally as stupid. He didn't know that the foundations of the quay had sunk, because he is extremely short sighted. The rails now slid down into the sea.
Now, hold on. OK, if some rails lead into the sea, then I think more than a board is required to stop them. What if a runaway train came rushing through and ended up giving everyone on board a burial at sea? If only there were some way of further preventing engines from going along the rails. Some sort of method by which engines would be stopped from going any further by being pushed against their buffers. Oh, if only...

Percy didn't know about the faulty rails, so he decided to show authority just what they could do with their board by going past it. To do this, he made an elaborate plan.
One day he whispered something to the trucks. "Will you give me a bump when we get to the quay?"
The trucks, never being ones to pass over a chance to bump an engine, were only too delighted to help, and it was all Percy could do to stop them from bumping him beforehand.
"I'll pretend to stop at the station, and the trucks will push me past the board. Then I'll make them stop. I can do that whenever I like for my power over them is absolute."
Percy had never heard the story of King Canute.
"Go on, go on!" the trucks yelled, and pushed Percy forward, causing his driver and fireman to fall off the footplate. Next time they would make sure to wear their seatbelts.
"Oh!" cried Percy, sliding past the board. "That's enough!"
And poor Percy went sliding into the sea. Let us take a moment to laugh at his misfortune.

"You are a very disobediant engine."
Percy knew that voice. "Paul Daniels? What are you doing here?"
"No Percy, it is I, Sir Topham Hatt."
"Are you sure?"
"Do I look like Paul Daniels?"
"Well, I can't really see from here."
"Well suffice to say I am not."
"Oh, alright. Please get me out of here sir."
"No Percy, we cannot do that until high tide. What do you think I am, a magician?"
"Actually, I did."
"Well you thought wrong. I hope this experience will teach you to obey orders."
"Yes sir," said Percy, beginning to regret his anti-establishment ways.

It was dark when they brought floating cranes to rescue Percy. They lifted the cold, wet engine onto a flatbed for Thomas to take away. The men were so preoccupied by their work that they didn't notice a black diesel go past them. Uh oh...
Next day, Henry came to take Percy to the Works. He had to take a goods train anyway, and it was on the way.
"So you didn't like the water, eh Percy? Three holes in the ground."
"Three holes in the ground?"
"Well well well."
"Oh Henry, that was just awful."
"Well get used to it, Percy, because as punishment for calling me uncool, you'll have to listen to my bad jokes all the way to the Works. Maybe this will teach you to wear your waterwings next time."
Percy is quite determined that there won't be a 'next time'. And there never was. But who knows what the future may hold?

Sodor Island Parody Pack