Sodor Island Parody Pack

Off the Rails


Gordon was resting in a siding, thinking what a magnificent specimen he was, 'I'm such a large and splendid engine. The finest in the world. Thomas has nothing on me.' "Peep Peep peep pip peep! Morning Gordon, you pregnant-baboon-bellied slime ball!" whistled Henry, "How dare you?!" roared Gordon, "How dare you speak to me like that?! Me who has never had an accident!" "What about the time you burst your safety valve?" asked Percy, "Or jammed your whistle? Or blew up that tunnel, lost your dome, smashed through the wall of a station, caused an avalanche, rolled through a barn..." "None of those have happened yet Percy!" said Gordon, "They have, 'will have going to have happened', happened, but haven' actually, 'happened' yet!" "Gordon, they haven happened, will be happening, will be was, could be events that will have already taken place in the future. So there!" Gordon was speechless, "Have you been reading science books?" he said at last, "The children’s encyclopaedia of space. It's the only one I could find, that had pictures."

Henry finished his trip in record time, and now was to take the express, "Just because you smell bad, as usual, doesn't mean that this is the flying kipper!" said Gordon, "That's the smell, of an honest days work." said Henry, "Really?" said Gordon, "I thought your driver and fireman had been playing jelly-botty, the game where you have to eat eighteen curries." Henry just left in a huff, leaving a very nasty pong.
Gordon tried to go to sleep again, when his driver woke him up, Six in the morning!" shouted Gordon, "C'mon Gordon!" said the driver, "There's a special good train, with 'Gordon' written on it." "Shant!" said Gordon. Gordon’s fire was slow to start, so Edward pushed him to the turntable, "Unhand me this instant, you old git!" he shouted, "You ungrateful little dipstick!" said Edward, "Old fart!" "Pompous baboon!", and they spent the whole trip, trash-talking. By now, Gordon was on the turntable, and his fire had flared up. "I won't be caught with a goods train again!" said Gordon, "I'll be the laughing stock of the LNER!" and so he charged forwards in a feeble attempt to jam the table. Unfortunately, His Majesty miss-timed his move, and found himself hurtling towards a ditch, "Why the smeg are there rails leading into the pond?!" he roared

some little boys where watching, "Coo!" they said, "Doesn't he look silly!" then came this weeks Top of the Pops No1, "Silly old Gordon feel in a ditch! Fell in a ditch! Fell in a ditch! Silly old Gordon fell in a ditch! fell in a ditch! All on a monday mooooooooooorning!" "Its Wednesday, you plonkers." Said Gordon. Then the school bell rang, 'At last!' thought Gordon, 'The little morons have to get to school!' "Lets play truant!" said one boy, "Oh monocles!" groaned this galloping sausage.

That night, James & Henry pulled Gordon back onto the rails, "God, he's heavy!" said James, "It's about time you went on a diet!" wheezed Henry

That night, Gordon crawled home, a sadder, wiser, dirtier, smellier engine, with the dandy sent of ditch water, and petrol.

Sodor Island Parody Pack