Sodor Island Parody Pack

James and The Other Queen of Sodor

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Gordon and Thomas were at the sheds when The Fat Controller arrived with some important news. "I need an engine to collect the Queen of Sodor."
"Who's the Queen of Sodor?" asked Thomas.
"Elton John has recently bought property on the Island, and he wishes to have one of our engines take him to his new house. Seeing as he's going to be the only person of his persuasion here, he wished to have the title of The Queen of Sodor."
"Crikey," thought Gordon, "we have an island that's inhabited fully by white people, and we're already skipping to celebrities? Couldn't we have progressed to it through having a few ethnic minorities?"
James bustled in, and Gordon decided to play a trick on him. "So collecting the Queen of Sodor will be important work then?"
"Very important work," said The Fat Controller, "now do I have a volunteer?"
"Really important work?" whistled James, "I'll do it!"
"Then it's settled, he's waiting by the Canal."
"Thank you Sir!" whistled James and he puffed away.
On the way, James thought about it, "Did the Fat Controller say he was waiting at the canal?"

Then, James arrived in at the Harbour. "I'm here to collect the Queen of Sodor."
The Yard Manager smiled, "He's over there chatting to some sailors..."
There he stood in a pink sequin outfit, and the stupid rug that looked like something that had died after landing on his head. "Gordon tricked me, he's trying to play up that gay persona that was laid on me by Alec Baldwin!"
"Yoo-hoo, Jameth thweetie!" called Elton, "GET A MOVE ON!!! I'm having George Michael, Boy George and Dale Winton over later on for drinks! You can come too if you like..."
"Don't even think about it!" snapped James, "Wait till I get my wheels on Baldwin, I'll run him down!"
They were running down the line a little when Elton discovered he'd run out of ciggies, "Oh dear, and I'm absolutely dying for a smoke too. I wish I could give up!"
"Try nicotine patches," suggested James, "they stop the craving for f*gs!"
"Tried them yourself then sweetie?"
"Er, er, no!" James stuttered trying to get out of the awkward situation.
"You know me and David Furnish might just be getting married over here." said Elton.
"Why not ask George Michael to help you?" suggested James, "Apparently he's good at sniffing out a cheap ring."

They soon arrived at Elton's new house, which was decorated everywhere with flowers, "I heard you spent a fortune on this place." said James, "Shame you couldn't do the same with your hair-pieces though eh?"
Elton's Personal Assistant turned round to James, and spoke severely to him, "Just be careful what you say to Elton, he's a bit like the devil when it comes to his hair pieces. When someone makes fun of him there's hell toupe!"
"He'd better watch what he's doing with his cash, that's all I can say." said James, "Look at Barrymore, he's gone bankrupt! I knew he'd be slipping into arrears!"

James arrived back at the shed feeling very pleased with himself, he had worked hard all day and come back looking cleaner than ever. "How did you manage to stay so clean?" asked Gordon.
"I have to stay clean," said James, "in case there's important work to do! Er, not because of the impression of me everyone gets thanks to Alec Baldwin!"
Just then, Percy puffed in, "My whistle is clogged again! Look out James!" And he let off steam, and splattered dirt all over James.
"I did warn you!" chuckled Percy.
Just then, Elton John arrived in at the sheds with the Fat Controller and George Michael. "Well!" he spluttered, "I was going to ask you to take me to the ball tonight! I had my best dress pressed and everything, but now I'll have to ask someone else!"
"Oh please Elton!" pleaded James, but Elton took no notice.
"And I was going to ask you to be in those adverts I'm doing for Toilet Duck too James!" said George Michael.
"Hmm, you and Beckham have a lot in common now George." said James, "You've both been caught doing naughty things in Loos!"
Gordon watched as Elton swaggered over, "What's a fine big engine doing in a shed like this?" asked Elton.
The other engines just laughed!

Sodor Island Parody Pack