Happy SiFday Alaric!

Happy Sifday, Alaric!
Alaric was very excited. It was one year ago today that he had first joined the Sodor Island Forums. True, it wasn't the current one, but the spirit was the same, so he decided not to split hairs. Something that can be very dangerous if not done by a professional barber.
He wondered how many presents he would get from his friends. Then he remembered that the day was not about presents, but about the feeling of happiness and joy he should feel about having been accepted into their ranks for one full year. He decided to ignore this idea, and went back to thinking about presents.
"Happy SiFday to me!" he shouted from the rooftops.
"Shut up!" came a voice.
"But it's my SiFday!" Alaric explained.
"It's also 3 o'clock in the morning!" replied the voice.
Alaric looked around, and indeed it was only 3 o'clock in the morning. He'd obviously got the terms 'am' and 'pm' mixed up again.

When morning finally came, Alaric rushed outside to see his presents, and if time permitted, his friends. But to his surprise and astonishment, there weren't any presents under the SiFday tree at all.
"Where are my presents?" asked Alaric to himself.
"I don't know," he answered. "Perhaps nobody got my memo about the new SiFday tradition of leaving presents underneath my tree."
"Well whose fault is that?" he asked angrily.
"Mine," he explained. "I forgot that I can't actually send memos to people."
Just then, Jimbob and Chris arrived.
"Hey Alaric," greeted Jim. "Talking to yourself again?"
"Yes, and I'm getting nowhere," said Alaric. "But now that you're here, you can give me my presents."
"What presents?" asked Chris. "I don't think we owe you any presents."
He looked in his fancy pocket digital calendar. "No, it's not a special occasion," he said. "Although did you know it's the day that Louie 'Satchmo' Armstrong died? I'm so glad I got this PDA!"
"But...but..." Alaric butted. "It's my SiFday!"
"Your Cif day?" said Jim, confused. "You mean, you have a day dedicated to a brand of liquid detergent?"
"No, niet and nein," Alaric answered in two languages more than was necessary. "I mean, it's the anniversary of the day I joined Sodor Island Forums!"
"Oh, is it?" asked Chris, little more than bemused. "I hadn't noticed."
Alaric felt very downhearted. He was sure someone other than him would have noticed.
"Oh, I see," he said sadly. "Well, I gotta go. I'll see you guys later, I guess."
"Yeah, on MSN maybe," said Jim. He and Chris laughed; they both knew that wouldn't happen.

Alaric went to Stepneydude's house in despair. Well technically it was a bus, but Alaric was still in a state of despair. He knocked on the door and waited for it to be answered. Surprisingly, no one was home. Then Alaric realised that this was not in fact Stepneydude's house, but rather the bike shop. He always got those two mixed up.
After getting to the real house, he was happy to find Stepneydude, whom from now on we will call Step because it's much shorter, sitting inside.
"Hi Step," he said, letting himself in.
"I deny everything!" said Step, and he hid himself undeneath his chair.
"Why are you under that chair?" asked Alaric.
"I'm not under a chair," came the rpley from underneath the chair.
"Yes you are."
"No I'm not."
"You are."
"I'm not!"
"Then where are you?"
"I'm not anywhere!"
"You're not?"
"I am!"
"You are?"
"I'm not!"
Alaric could tell that this was getting silly, and decided to leave. But just before he did, he took £15 out of Step's wallet.
"Hey! Give that back!" Step cried.
"Why? Is it your money?" saids Alaric.
"No!"
"Ah. fair enough. I'll keep it then."
And with that, Alaric left, £15 richer.

It was getting on for time, and Alaric still had no presents. He'd talked to everyone he knew, and none of them had mentioned anything about his SiFday. He was very, very upset.
How upset was he?
He was so upset, he made Mary Whitehouse look happy.
...I don't get it.
Quiet you! Now because this parody is going on way longer than anyone can be bothered to read, let's go straight to the grand finale...

"So you didn't forget my SiFday after all!" cried Alaric in happiness in the big hall where everyone had gathered to celebrate his SiFday because this is a fictional world where I can make people do this sort of thing even though in real life it's nothing to get excited about.
"Nope," said Sir Ryan, the thin, smart, tall, talented, brave, wonderful and excessively handsome controller with really nice hair and teeth that are simply spiffy.
"So Step was pretending to deny everything so he wouldn't tell me about the surprise?" asked our intrepid SiFdayer.
"No, he's just acting crazy again," said...you. That's right, you. The reader. You are now in my parody. Enjoy.
"Hurray!" shouted everyone else. That includes just about everyone I have not included in this parody. You see, I am but a man, and I cannot fight all 300+/- (I'm not exactly sure) members of the forum without it basically being a list of all the members. So this 'everyone else' is an all inclusive
And so Alaric got presents from all these people here. That includes you, Chris Burrell! And there was no one whose SiFday it was more happy than Alaric.
Then the Old Bean started a pie fight, for no reason at all!